Full Text (979 words) |
Copyright The Washington Post Company May 20,
2001
Yasser Arafat Laser Eye Surgery Pizza-Scented Shampoo Intimations of Mortality Large Men in Leotards Doing Squat Thrusts Six Hamsters in a Burlap Sack Performance Anxiety The Euro A Catfish The Human Navel An English Calf An Apology to China Robert Hanssen, Master Spy William J. Clinton Eddie Gootchy Gatchy Gamma Tostinara Tostinoca Samma Kamma Wacky Brown Eminem The difference between the Euro and pizza-scented shampoo is that when you are really smashed, pizza-scented shampoo seems like a good idea. This week's contest: Tell us the difference between any two of the above items. (Example: The difference between an apology to China and fat men in leotards doing squat thrusts is that when you are forced to apologize to China, it isn't merely spandex that has you by the short hairs.) First-prize winner gets three bottles of Indian Spirit scented bath oil and floor wash, sold by leading voodoo shops everywhere and guaranteed to banish all evil presences from one's home. Today marks the return of The Czar from a two-month sabbatical. During
this time, as promised, he submitted entries under a series of pseudonyms
unknown to the new judge, who was a woman. The very first week, the Czar
suggested that what was missing from a photo of a bent- over Betty Ford
was "the monkey on her back," an entry summarily rejected as "tasteless."
It was at that moment The Czar sensed he was in trouble. What followed was
a weekly carnival of horror for The Czar, culminating with Week LXIV, when
he proposed that the "I" in the " Overall, the brief but eventful tenure of the Auxiliary Czar did much to humanize a contest often thought of as arrogant and autocratic. She sent cheerful notes to people whose entries did not quite make the final cut, praising their efforts and urging them to try again. She engaged in pleasant, respectful e-mail banter with any and all. At times she explained her decisions, so as to demystify the selection process. The Czar wishes to thank her for creating a nurturing and inviting atmosphere with these many changes, which will cease at once. First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style
Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-
after Style Invitational bumper sticker. The Uncle's Pick wins the
shockingly ugly "The Uncle Loves Me" T-shirt. Send your entries via fax to
202-334-4312, or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com, or by U.S. mail to
The Style Invitational, Week XLIX, c/o The
in which we asked you to create some Great Thoughts from a list of words, a{grv} la those pretentious sets of refrigerator magnets: {diam}Second runner-up: Bush: " {diam}First runner-up: I like art if it can agitate, not imitate. - - Homer (Judith E. Cottrill, New York) {diam}And the winner of the inflatable California Raisin: Life -- the sinister play: Prayer, genuflect, weep . . . Alas, every ending is "die." (Brian Foster, Fairfax) {diam}Honorable Mentions: He: I like She: Eat [colon doodle] and die! (Judith E. Cottrill, New York) Alas, the magic is ending. Weep, wizard Green-span! (Bob Sorensen, Herndon) "I repeat: Can I recount every one?" "Not exactly," she answered. (Judith E. Cottrill, New York) If the dog lather, RUN! (Stephen Dudzik, Olney) Heavy: ( ) Not: ) ( Eat: ( ) Stop: ) ( Repeat: ( ) . . . ) ( . . . ( ) (O. Winfrey, Chicago, via Russell Beland, Springfield) The planet is ending: Heavy asteroid can strike, slamming Earth. Say an instant prayer, weep, and die like hot pudding in one big sack. (Russell Beland, Springfield) She doodle, Style strike every one! Alas, I weep. (Jean Guevara, Silver Spring) One Wizard is an instant sensation. Alas, stars can not make big clowns play like magic. (Dwight Davis, Arlington) The princess's rolls make her weep. Alas, heavy, like an asteroid. Imitate every model: Eat cucumber, not Bland Bush can not repeat incessant roll in the sack. Weep not, heavy princess. (Dwight Davis, Arlington) The Green Monster: It can stop slamming homer. Stars weep. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney) The Bush recount: Big prayer, incessant spin, sinister ending. (Arthur Litoff, Dillsburg, Pa.) Bush can repeat "Run dog"; alas, not say "Fahrvergnugen." (Jean Sorensen, Herndon) She is an instant sensation, like magic in the stars. Slamming stop. Sinister ending. Princess, die. (Chris Doyle, Burke; Russell Beland, Springfield) {diam}The Uncle's Pick: In bland art, clowns weep. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington) The Uncle Explains: Can the poignant irony of the weeping clown fail to bring a tear to one's own eye? |
More Like This - Find similar documents | |||||||
|
^ Back to Top | « Back to Results | < Previous Document 237 of 657 Next > | Publisher Information | |
![]() ![]() |
Mark Document | ![]() ![]() |
![]() |
Copyright © 2005 ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights reserved. Terms and Conditions |
Text-only interface |
Library of Congress |
![]() |
![]() |